Capture Your Grief 2016 Day 26: What Heals You

#captureyourgrief Day 26: #whathealsyou. What heals me? I think it depends on the day you ask, the mood I’m in, how heavy my heart feels on that particular day. Overall, it heals my heart to hear/see/read things that make me find a little peace for a moment. Something that makes me KNOW that I will in fact see my sweet girls again one day… Something that makes me feel without a doubt that they are ‘here’ with us…. Something that makes their existence feel real to someone other than just me…

I have been watching the show ‘This is Us’ with mixed emotions for the past several weeks. Reviews say things such as ‘exactly the feel-good show we’ve been needing’ and ‘each week is better than the last’. And my thoughts-particularly as a loss mother- has been ‘what’s ‘feel-good’ about this?!? About losing a child? About struggling with difficulties of adoption (for both the parents and the child)?? About struggling with alcoholism, obesity, finding and losing a biological parent??’ I feel like I’ve been watching each episode with my breath held,
waiting to see how they handle each of these difficult, real life situations. And then last night’s episode ended with a monologue about life, death, and family- comparing it to a painting of random, messy lines, all piled on top of each other with several different colors- a picture that appears to have no beginning and no end to it…. And listening to it…. I found one of those rare moments of peace I so desperately seek to heal my heart…

“People will die, people that we love… The fact that just because someone dies- just because you can’t see them or talk to them anymore- it doesn’t mean they are not still in the painting. And I think maybe that’s the point of the whole thing-there is no dying. There’s no ‘you’, or ‘me’, or ‘them’- it’s just ‘us’. And this sloppy, wild, colorful, magical thing that has no beginning, has no end- it’s right here-I think it’s us” -This is Us, Episode 5

Rylie and Avary are a part of our ‘us’. It doesn’t matter that you cannot see them, that we cannot hear them, that they died…. They are us. There is no distinction between those who live and those who don’t. We are all a part of this beautiful, sloppy, wild, sad, colorful mess that is our family, our life, our ‘us’….



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